Albeit I haue beene soomtime (gently I confesse) repillegible for writinge, yet I cannot forbeare my self, but needs I must bee doinge, my hart and harty affections beinge noe lesse toward your worship, but if possible may bee more then formerly, and albeit I am banished from your presence, that I may not see your face, nor heare your voyce, as at other times, yet cannot the remembrance of your worship be rooted out of my hart, by any other means then death. I know and doe heare that your worship is dayly incensed agaynst mee, and informed that my hart is not humbled, but I am still proude and lofty; I could desier from my hart and soule that those that thus judge and report of mee, if they doe it out of pitty and tendernesse, as wishinge my euerlastinge good, that as they cannot but know it is not in the power of the most mightyest prince in the world, to breake a hard hart, or to humble a proud hart either by power or policy; but it is the Lord alone that must doe it; that such would joyne with mee in prayer and suplication to the Almighty, that he would take the woorke in hand, for he is able to bringe it to passe; then should I haue great cause to looue them and to pray for them, and to prayse god that should send mee such gratious helpe agaynst that sinn that hath euer beene to mighty for mee; I know ther is none while wee cary this body about with vs that is wholy freed, thought the Lord hath giuen to soome more power to preuayle, not that the stronge should despise the weake, or that he that hath ouercoome should stand affarr of and laugh at him that is yet in hott fight, and like to goe to the woorst: but the Lord who doth it in part, for that end looketh that such should coome forth and helpe the Lord agaynst the mighty, consideringe that if they bee deliuered indeed, that it was not by themselues or by there owne power, but by the power of the Lord; but if they be otherwise minded, and that ther compleynts hearin tend to soome end of ther owne, I say noe more but as Steuen: The good lord pardon them. They know not what they doo. this I am suer of that I find it very hard to bringe downe my hart to that low pitch that I know it must be brought to before the Lord vouchsafe to make his abode with mee. blessed be his name for it, he is not altogether a stranger to my poore soule, but yet as a stranger he giueth mee Coomfort, and an asured expectation of his euerlasting presence with mee, in that hee coomes now and maketh knowen to mee what is the Cause of his absence, and why he is soe strange, and sheweth mee those disorders in my soule which 504I neuer dremed of, which now I see to be such, that while I harbored such base inmates it was not likely that euer the Lord should coome neare mee in mercy, and that hee did not coome in euerlastinge Judgment agaynst mee and giue mee the reward of my doings I cannot but admier exceedingly. truly, I speke the truth in Christ I ly not; the Lord hath shewed mee such lothsoome abomynations which I neuer before minded, that haue brought mee to a secret lothinge of my selfe, and admiration at the bowels of Compassion in the Almighty, that he had not for euer loathed mee: secrets as close as those, which the Lord shewed to Esekell, when he led him from Chamber to Chamber; and sayd seest thou these, see yet greter; but because it would be to tedyous to your worship to read it I should enter into particulers, and shew the manner of gods dealinge with mee and any woork of gods grace on my soule with the manner and seuerall degrees of late times; besides my person beinge brought into soome Contempt with your worship I might be suspected to disemble with you, which thinge farr be it fromm mee: neither cann it stand with tru grace, for if Dauid would not admitt of a deceitfull person, I am suer dauids god, by whome I looke for saluation will not; noe vncleane thinge shall dwell with him; but I shall be tedyous; it hath beene tould mee, that great obiections wear agenst mee in the bay: for that I liued in an ordinary: but I haue great Cause to feare that they who weare troubled at that, had rather haue heard of a woorse Condition, that either I had not liued, or that I had liued amonge the Indyans. I would not willinge speak soe rashly without soome ground, for soome I know thought I cease to name them now, did what in them lay to haue hindered my abode heare; for noe Cause I know that I haue giuen them; but I prayse god I can hartely pray for them, knowinge that he that is with mee is stronger then he that is with them while they thus continue thought a member of a Congregation: perhaps the god whome I hope they serue, doth not allow of it nor good men when they see it.

these men might a little consider what dauid was putt to in the time of his strayts, soometime to liue amonge the enemyes of god and his people; soometime in houlds, in woods, with a madd and wiked crud. had they beene then in Saules Court, or that they might haue coome soe famylyarly to the Kinge, as they can coome to your worship and to the Gouerner, how would they haue incensed the Kings wrath, (as noe question many did as apears by that of Doegg) against his faithfull and loyall subiect whose hart was vpright with god, and most true to his prince; thought despised of the Kinge and almost all his subiects as on not fitt to liue, while yet ther was noe euill found in him why they should doe this; They know it standeth little otherwise with me and I 505haue great Cause to blesse god for that I haue foode; was it not a mercy to Elyah when poore man he fled for his life, was in the wildernesse wher noe succor was to be had; that the Lord commanded the rauens to feed him; Creatures by nature, more like to pray vppon him, and to pick out his eyes, then to feed him, yet when by gods prouidence they brought him meat, he tooke it thankfully, as from the hands of god; and thereby doubtlesse was moore confirmed of gods fatherly Care of him, and faithfulnesse to him that God would not forsake him; I must needs confesse that I haue made this vse of it what euer Construction they make, for when I came hither I found none but did pitty mee, and seemed to be sory for mee, but if this man had not fed me I might haue fed on ther pitty till I dyed; soome which I thought would haue beene helpfull; haue contented themselues, only with this word pitty fore mr. wislo2 I thank him, not longe before he came into the Baye, bad mee coome to his house a month or two, and welcoome, for which I gaue him great thanks, rather desiringe that he would if it might be deuise soome way how I might in gods way bee doinge soomthinge, wherby soom glory might coome to god and soome benefitt to soome, rather than to liue like a droone to suck out the hony, which others brought in, protestinge in truth, that rather then I would liue Idly, I would be content to be the town Swinheard, if it would be accepted, but noe man did any way put forth his hand to helpe me, noe not my great frend mr. Padde; saue that the Lord stirred vp mr. Browne whoe did not only pitty mee, but had mee to his house, kept me with him illegible dayes, and minded my Condition, by whose meanes, I haue now taken a farme, wheron by the helpe of god I may liue by my labor; my request is now to renue my former sute with your worship whom I haue euer found redy to helpe mee, that I may haue that liberty to coome into the bay partly to gett a man, partly to try the word of those which haue promised to helpe me if once I setled; for I will asuer your worship that I beginn now wholy on my portion, which is sufficient I know that he is able if he will to helpe mee and I haue my Confidence in him that in the lawfull vse of meanes he will not be wantinge; I am else a poore beginner as euer was. I haue neither pott nor pann, spoone nor trencher, bed nor blankett, in a woord nothinge, but the Lord alone; I beseech your worship to procure me this fauour if it may bee; if I offend the law let mee suffer what you will, this only, which is noe offense, but as nature binds mee, and noe law of god or man doth deny mee, I shall desier in soom place to see my children; but for ther mother, thought I shall while I haue life care for hir as my deare Child, yett 506to see hir, tendeth but to the farther brekinge of my hart neither doe I desier to doe any thinge but what may coomfort hir, and to see mee cannot. pitty my Condition I beeseech you; If your worship weare suerly perswaded with what hart I write, it may be you would haue pitty on mee, and helpe mee, at lest with your prayers; it is vnknown to your worship how it is with mee, not in regard of any outward Calamyty I speake in regard that I want meat or drink or the like; but what it is the Lord knoweth. I cease to speake any more. if your worship be pleased grant me this request; I shall acknowledge my selfe bond to you for it as for all other. Small kindnesse now from your worship seeme greate and I can prise them; I desier that I may heare from your worship by this bearer, and how my worthy mystres, with all yours are, willinge to tender life and limm in gods way for you or yours if euer god call me to it in the meane time I shall remayne in all humble submission Your worship's to be commanded