now hauinge vntyed the last knott, If your worship can now forgiue it will take away soom part of my greefe and calamyty which is in soom measure vnsupportable: to speake with your worship I thinke it in vayne to desier supposinge that your worship will not vouchsafe soe to doe: for bayle I see it is but in vayne for me to seeke, for great ons I think will not and meaner dare not because euery on that doth shew me any kindnesse is suspected, soe that I thinke it my best way to betake mee to misery at first. that little mony that I had, I haue putt into goodman Brackets2 hands. as the widow sayd, when I haue eat that I am redy to dy. 22s part wherof your worship gaue me 10s ould bullock mooud with pitty gaue me and as I euer sayd, If a peny more that I cann remember be found with me in ould England or new, hange me for that: 3s 6d more I thinke I haue: more then that 17622s. my cloths doe ly at rice morris all I haue. If god take me hence, I wish they may be caled for theare Be mercyfull as your heuenly father is mercyfull and soe indeed you are; I beseech you forgiue as god for Christ sake forgaue you: if it be possible to hide it from hir lett not that poore wooman know that I am hear, lest to all other sorrow this be added that I murther the mother and child: the burden is alredy beyond my strenght, if an almighty power helpe me not as blessed be god he doth in soome measure for I beare about mee the sadnesse of you and yours, the lamentable condition of my wife and children, beside the Burden of mine owne sinn, the cause of all torn the feare alsoe of corporall punishment. suffer me therfore I pray you worship to make as the treasurer yesterday aduisd mee a breef narration of my charges at the farm, and be not offended if hearin I do make it apeare that I haue not falsly taken any thinge from your worship which if I haue I ever desier more then man is able to inflict. When I haue doone I shall shew your worship before any other, for beinge doone I must leaue it to the true censur and tryall of mankind.

Duty bindes mee to returne humble thankes to your worship for your vndeserved love manifested to mee in your letter I lately received; wherein also you againe certify mee, that for your owne parte you are fully satisfyed in my repentance and acknowledgment. I would the Lord (in mercy to my poore afflicted soule) were pleased, to give mee soe much fauour in the eyes of all, who are offended by that my letter, that my eares might heare, or mine eyes may see from them, as I doe from your Worship, to witt, That they were fully satisfyed: Till then I am not, (nay I cannot be) satisfyed. By these delayes, I thinke god would haue mee more humbled for my sinne. the Lord of his rich mercy give mee what he requires of mee, and what I see not teach mee, that wherein I haue done Iniquity, I may doe noe 177more; And as a meanes needfull to be vsed, to lett mee see, that which (it may bee) I yet perceiue not, as also to help on my further humiliation and godly sorrow. I once more yea againe and againe humbly beseech you for the Lord Jesus Christ his sake help me to a Coppy of that my letter; Oh deare Sir, the Consideration that I was called out of my Natiue Country etc: and led into the wildernesse to be tempted is not my sorrow, but that I haue sinned in the wildernes, and tempted my god in the desart is the greife of my heart; my sorrow and my shame it is, that I who professe loue to Christ and to the brethren, should pearce him, and his members by that my sinne, The roote of which sinne was the Relicts of that Curssed Emnity in my heart against the Lord Christ and his people, for certainly had not the Devill (that old accuser of the brethren) fyered his temptation vpon the tinder of that Corruption, he could not (I thinke) haue caused my wretched heart to conceaue nurrish and bring forth such a monstrous Imp soe like himselfe (to witt) an Accusation of the Brethren; this woefull experience of the vanity of myne owne heart, I haue gained at a deare rate. the good Lord sanctifye it to mee, and cause mee more narrowly to examine the sines of my Nature and Practice, and to looke diligently least any Roote of bitternesse spring vp, That I may gett the blood of Christ applyed therevnto for the mortification thereof.

Loving Sir since I writt to you It pleased our Gouernour2 to send the Marshall for mee at the generall Court being sett the first day of this 11th moneth, And I appearing was questioned about that my letter, etc. I answerred that I had not a Coppy of it, but what I had received from your Worship wherevpon I voluntarily shewed the Court your letter, wherein you related sundry passages of that my letter, which being read publiquely amongst them, after some Considerations the Court pleased to enioyne mee, to answere the said Matter, when I shall be therevnto called by the Court. I told them, I had written diuers letters to your worship about that matter, and by my last letter to your worship had desired a conduct from the Honoured State, to the end I might come and manifest my vnfained Repentance with my presence as I had done in writing; The Court replyed, that in as much as the Matter did not depend in your Court, they might without any wrong to your State or to my selfe cause mee to answere it here. I answered that I doubted it would not giue them soe good satisfaction (as I thought I stood bound in Conscience to doe,) because they were none of them here present; The Court replyed againe that they would write forth­178with to your Honoured State, that they had taken notice of such a thing and had questioned mee for itt, and the Cause should depend in their Court, And if soe bee, they had not received satisfaction about it, They might (if they pleased) send their deputies hither and here receaue such satisfaction from mee as the word of god required according to their best light in the hearing of such a Cause. And withall our Gouernour charged mee (in the presence of the Court) not to goe into the Bay, nor write any more about this Cause, without the Consent of our Court or at least of our Gouernour and assistants, because now it depended in this Court. I humbly beseeched them for leaue to speake, which given, I told them sadly It was much trouble to my Conscience, that I should be hindred from seeking Reconciliation (by any lawfull meanes I might) with those whome I had iustly offended, and to be deferred or delayed therein was a sore trouble to mee, Telling them, that it lay heauy vpon my soule euery tyme I came into the presence of god either in publique or private, When I remembred that my brethren had such a thing against mee, and I was not reconciled to them, wherewith some of the Court then present was touched with bowels of brotherly Compassion toward mee And vpon my humble request, the Court promissed mee to write forthwith to your State, but engaged mee as before not to goe nor write without their Consents; Wherevpon I forbore to write (though with much trouble) till now that I received your letter, wherevpon I went to the Gouernour and assistants and desired leaue to write, and haue read vnto them this my letter before I sent it to you according to myne engagement; Wherefore I doe humbly beseech your Worship to compassionate and commiserate my afflicted Condition (not that I would make hast out of affliction for I beleeue god hath and will doe mee good thereby) but that I would not lye vnder sinne. Wherefore when you receiue the letter which our Gouernour sends concerning mee I earnestly entreat you to vse all lawfull meanes your worship shall think meet to putt an end to my expectation of Reconciliation with you all whome I haue offended, and so forced in strates of tyme to breake of abruptly, humbly desiring your prayers for mee and a speedy answere to our Gouernour and myselfe concerning mee, with a Conduct which I much desire,3 I take leaue, praying for your worships increase of honour and happines I rest on gods mercy. Your poore afflicted and vnworthy friend in the Lord