Were I as conscious of any willfull neglect of your loue and my due remembrance of itt, and necessary Salutations or Expressions of this kinde, as I am of defect in all (though not voluntary) I should in a kinde of despayre wholly forbeare to putt you in minde of soe vnworthy a Frend. But my hart is vpright with you, though my hand hath neyther bin able to serue my affections nor your 364merritts in presenting you with requisite Circomstances of Assurance that itt is soe: For not only meanes (or att least the timely knowledg of itt) hath too often beene wanting and preventing to my purposes, But when they haue bin more free and fauorable, I haue wanted power to make vse of them. About New Yeere last I receyued a kind and louing letter from you by one Betts (as I remember) who came hether att a time when I had suffred a fortnights Extreamitie before and was att first not able to see him or to think of any buisines. Yett before hee went away, I came downe a part of the day and as Company and my infirmities would suffer mee, had a little speech with him, who (then hasting away and promising to come to mee att more Conveniency) I hoped should haue bin the meanes of my sending to you and my Coss: Jo: Spring alsoe. hee came agen indeede when I was vtterly vnable to doe or take thought for any thing that way for itt pleased God for 14 weekes I was in expectance of my passage to my last Port. since I am in a crazie vncerteine Condition neuer well though not soe weake as I was. this lost mee the hope of that Conveyance the man telling mee hee was to goe to and by London back to you: I had little meanes (by my sicknes and trobles continuing) to heare or enquire of any other Course, but att our last Assises, where with much adoe I forst my selfe one day, I mett my Coss. Gurdon who promised to send my Letter to you, which now I hope you haue: testefieng my true Loue to you, and by you entreating to haue my just Excuse for not satisfieng the still important and large requests of my kinsman, to whome I haue made bould with you to enclose this letter: Truly Sir the summe and charge I haue bin att to this man is not after the due proportion and regard I ought to beare to my owne affayres, and more neere duties, yett what I haue done hath not bin grudgingly, nor with a scant hand I assure you. I beleeue in true account (which perhaps) hee considers not duely, more then true charrety (which is to looke home first) or right wisdome would commend, and I cannot nor may not prejudice my neerer requisites too much. I haue lately married my Sonne, and abated my meanes largely I cannot nor (haue not to) doe as formerly, my owne necessary course and children require mee instantly to my vtmost, and mine owne particuler (as noe less the generall) Burthens grow heauy to my present strength, besides charrety had neuer soe many Objects (that may not bee neglected) amongst vs, honest and good men abundance and in abundant wants, dayly somewhat issueth soe from mee and others, and must doe, and other poore kinred I haue too too many that dayly call for helpe and must haue itt. I profess I neuer was streightned before. This Sir for your satisfaction that I am not vnmindefull but vnable (for the present att least) to satisfie him, and I pray you make him sensible of the Equitie and reason of itt 365if you conceyue itt soe, and if hee contentfully accept of what I haue done, as God shall enable and enlarge mee heereafter I shall not forgett him, but I desire hee spare mee yett: I could not heare by Betts or other of any shipps goeing by Ipswich whether else I had sent something to this purpose: but lately, and now too late as I am tould I heare some goe or are gone: I perceyue by the lettre that you haue for the releife of this kinsman of mine disbursed some summe but what you express not nor haue I had one word to certefie mee thereof from him: What you haue done for my sake, and hee hath not nor can satisfie agen, I will not that you loose but desire you will certefie mee what itt is and I will not fayle (if God please) to satisfie you when I know itt: Soe as hee sees I neglect not to doe for him still more, though in all hee requires and as hee would I cannot: Truly such is my condition att this present as I haue much adoe to hould out thus farr in this labor, still so weake and vnseruiseable I am to my selfe: I must craue fauor to make goode All present defects, and your goode beleife that I haue a will, though att present streightned and prevented, to giue you larger assurance and better testemony of my faythfull affections: Your charrety without asking affords mee I am confident the benefitt of your prayers, Yett I craue them alsoe, and by your meanes euen to bee remembred amongst you as I dayly in my poore way remember you all: Salute all I know particulerly I beseech you that are with you with my harty Loue and best desires of goode: And think of mee still the thoughts of a loving Frend. the less I deserue itt the greater goode itt is in you and the reward shalbee to your owne Bosome, whether I desire to convey myselfe and to liue there, as wee may to hir alsoe that ownes that place spetially my wife and I commend vs, and to all yours, and hartely commend you all to Gods goodenes and Grace: Your vnfeyned louing Freind and faythfully affected brother