Boston Octr. 30th, 1754 My Lords,

Agreable to the Precedent of the Times I presume to begin my Epistle wth. an hurrangue on precious Self, wch. at present is so confused, so toss'd wth. a thousand passions, that dear as it is, I am almost asham'd to own it. I can scarce turn my Eyes any ways but I have218some new Passion rais'd: when on the one hand I hear Religion exalted above the power of human Nature, & on the other side, see it as much debas'd, my Soul fares hard in the Contrast altho' these extreems follow agreable to the course of Nature. When I see the gaping Croud carried by the Ears, & those who indulged Sloth, leave their Beds by sun rise, I here Admire the Charms of Music. When I behold the favrites of Beauty, dissolving in a flood of Tears, I fancy that Jove attempts their charms in a Shower of Pearls rather than Gold. Innumerable are the other Observations of this sort wch. such an Idle Spectator is induc'd to make, which on Endeavouring to Reconcile, or at least acct. for. The other day my fancy took a flight beyond the reach of my bodily Senses, & during this my Præternatural Elevation, my Imagination presented to me such a Scene, as I shall here take the Liberty to relate, it being strictly Orthodox so to do.

My Soul, Jaded with the bustle of the Town, betook itself to the calm retirement of a rural Retreat; here was no Oratory, but that silent voice of Nature which awakens in every Attentive mind, a never dying & most rational Devotion. Hard by, I saw several buildings, which however of An humble height, yet were vested with such Solemnity, as engaged my earnest Curiosity. The decorum wth. wch. I approach'd, obtained me an admittance by Several Orders of Servants, till I came to a large Room, furnish'd with a variety of Engines & Machines, which I shall Explain as they Occur in the Story. On one Side of the Room I observed two men Standing & giving Orders to various Workmen which together with the peculiar Sagacity of the Visages denoted them to be the Superintenders of the Work, & percieving me an object of their Craft, they concluded I was come to apply to them on the same Acct. The Wonder & Surprize that appeared in my Countenance, was observed by them, which occasioned one of them to address me thus "Inquisitive Mortal, whoever thou Art, urged on by the curiosity of An overheated brain, know, that at the peril of Undergoing a severe process, thou presumest to tread this Sacred Assylum of the Gods, a place so detested & carefully avoided by Most of Mankind, but tho' thy heedless Steps have betray'd thee into Our hands, yet that punishment which we are Obliged to Inflect on thee, shall produce for thee a never Ending Profit. The Gods, added he, in Compassion to the giddy Errors of Mankind, have here set up the Curious & long wanted Brain Refining Laboratory, where the Brains of such Mortals, as we can get into our possession, and find to contain Matter worth219Manufacturing, we purge, cleanse & coin & send forth into the World, fitted to serve the grand purpose of its Creation." He then discanted concerning the Nature & design of the human Brain, observing that they were intended to be a Light to all our Actions, & were the great Labaratory of the Soul, & that by reason of the corrupted constitution of the Brain of some, the Soul was unable to perform those offices for which it was intended. Added he, before we begin the process on your Self, you may indulge your curiosity in seeing the performance on several parcels of Brains which we have here to coin. He then led me into a large Room where were a great Number of Vessels which contain'd every ones Brains Seperately. Some I observed to be very thick & others of a more oyly Constitution. The first process says he, is to Empty these Brains into large Strainers, so as to let the Oyly parts run off, wch. (continues he) is heterogenuous to the Nature of Brains, & of a stinking foetid Smell, however mistaken for them by Most people, & greedily bought up by the vulgar, it being cheap, gives a flairing Light, because 'tis capable to take flame all together, & serves well for your Chimney Corner Wits, & makes good Lamp Black. I observed Some to have little or not Matter in it, the owner of wch. Observed my Instructor, bore the Ball of Reason & Learning for a long Time, Especially when Oppos'd, wch. like a Reverberatory inflammated the Whole of this Oyl, & he shone like Appollo, but when we shall have Reduced him to its proper temperature, we imagine the Light will be but faint. Its observable said he that the true Matter in these Brains, either increases or decreases, in proportion as a greater or Lesser quantity of the Oyl is inflamed at once, wn. a large quantity is inflamed, by its monstruous heat it reduces the real Matter to its own Constitution by degrees Melting it to Oyl, so if but little of the Oyl be inflammated the real Matter which is of an Improving Nature continually Increases, & by degrees sometimes gets the ascendent over the Oyl. I observed that in these Brains as they lay in the Vessells, was mix'd much Blood, and various Sorts of filth, the fluid parts of which run off with the Oyl in straining, the Other remaining closely adheering to the Real Matter.

Having Seperated the Oyl as much as could be done by Straining, the Matter was then put into Baggs, & those put under a large press, which forced out a great Quantity of Oyl, & left the Matter of a hard consistancy, which being melted, cast into large Bodys & Shaved fine, was now fitted to Undergo the last Operation for clearing it of the Oyl, which was by putting it into exceeding strong Cord Baggs & subjecting220 it to a surprising strong Press, they forced out those particles of Oyl that Adhered the most closely to the Matter. This Matter observed my Instructor, is now freed from that erroneous Light, which by its flairing & dazling brightness, has deluded so many from the Straight Course of Reason, to dangerous Swamps & Quagmires, but still here the Blood & filth remains, till which be purged out, this Light must either enkindle up Anger and Persecution &c. or lead into the devious paths of Lust of every sort. Some there are, who have so little Oyl Naturally that you can scarce percieve it, & others who despising it, by vast Labour surpress it, but still this Blood & filth remain, which there are few if any know thoroughly how to purge off; so that altho' they may be free from the false gloss of Reason, yet still their Rational Powers are impeded, with innumerable prejudices & base passions.

'Twould be Endless to describe to you the various Constitutions of Brains that come within our Cognizance, some of which are chiefly Oyl, Blood & other filth, some but little Oyl, yet much Dregs wth. the true matter, some seem to be little else beside Dregs, while some few have but a small mixture of Heterogenous matter. All along my Instructor Observed to me the connextion between the Temperature of the Brain & the Actions of the Owner. I observed a parcel of Brains which Seem'd intirely Oyl & Blood, which he said belong'd to a certain Wit whose chief Talent lay in Scandal, who he reckned would be put into the Ideot House as soon as his Brains were rectify'd. On percieving one parcell very thick of matter, no Oyl but very much Blood, he observed to me that these were the Brains of a Man in a weighty post of Goverment & Instruction, for wch. he was duly qualify'd, saving that the Blood in his Brains had produced a snarling, peevish morose Severity that eclips'd his good Qualifications, & rendered him useless, but that he doubted not, by Separating these Excressions to render him very useful. After various Lectures of this sort he proceeded to refine sundry parcels of Matter that were prepared; wch. he did by Melting them in a large Cauldron, & by a process of Unknown ccelestial Chimistry, he seperated all the heterogeneous parts, & left it a pure Body, transparent as the Œther. Here, wth. an elevated voice, crys he is the pure Matter, as it was first created, the compleat Labaratory for the Soul to work, & the Throne where Reason, unbiass'd by foul Ministers, sits regent. But adds he, in Order to render this pure matter the most useful to human Life, we must reduce it to certain Shapes, & then with the Addition of Experience & Learning, it221will become both a beautiful Ornament & a Never failing Guide to Life. I stood by while he cast some of this Matter into Moulds, & added as he call'd it his polite Learning (wch. to me look'd like a String of Cotton). Observe sd. he the beauty of this form, & the aptitude of its compositione, for while it was an unform'd Body, it was liable to be consum'd to waste, but in its present form, it spends gradual. Without the addition of this Learning, it would be impracticable for it to illuminate the Mind in a regular steady Manner, & without great waste & needless Expence, but by the addition of this Learning, the whole is perform'd at small Expence & with great perspicuity. Altho' 'tis evident the Learning wth. out being surrounded by the Matter, would soon extinguish in a flash, & that much Learning soon distroys little Matter, & that much Matter cant be properly inflammated by little Learning, & therefore as the Learning is design'd only for a vehicle for the Matter, so these ought to be an exact proportion. I observed some of these New form'd Brains were of more curious fashion than others, which however did not augment the Illumination of their real Usefulness in Any Shape. These my Instructor observed, were designed for some Lawyers, Poets, Statesmen & Clergy Men, who for distinction sake insist on their extraordinary Embellishments, wch. however I observed to him very much hindred their Transparency. My Instructor wound up the process, by Observing that this Light is the purest that ever shone in the human Mind, & that when properly assisted with Erudition, it gives the clearest, strongest most inoffensive & most permanent Light existing, however that by Reason of the heterogeneous parts of most kinds of Learning that can be gotten, it often wants Snuffing, yet our Lives guided by this Light will be innocent & just, by this is instilled every Noble Art & beautifying Science, & even Satyr, for nothing more keen & peircing than boiling Matter, yet on the most Delicate Object it leaves no Stain. Here Ended the whole, & the Superintenders, apply'd themselves, to perform this Severe process on My Brains, but finding my head entirely Empty, I was forced to confess that about two Months ago I sold my head Matter for something to fill my Belly. This honest Confession, so moved my kind Instructor, that he presented me with a small quantity of his own choice Head Matter, & bad me find Cotton my Self, wch. I immediately did, but found it to be so heterogeneous, that I wore up severall pair of Snuffers suddenly. In short, I was so worried to make a proper Improvement of this rich present that my fancy left the Inchanting Vision, & returned me to the Regions of Ripe Corrupted Brains, the still222clear Light is all Now Vanish'd, while flame, & Crock, & Spattering Greese, scorch, smutt & defile, by Standers. Much of my time is now spent in guessing the Constitution of the Brain by the Apparent Actions, & when I see a head of Much Matter I wish it in yr. Cauldron.

The above piece is humbly presented, by their Lordships much Obliged most humble and most devoted Servant,

ROBERT TREAT PAINE

RC (Adams Papers, MHS); subscribed: "To the right honbls. Richard Cranch1 & Samuel Quincey2 Esqrs, Lords Superintenders of the Brain Refining Labaratory at Quincey Point"; endorsed.

1.

A draft of this letter in the Paine Papers, dated at Boston, Oct, 15,1754, and addressed to Richard Cranch only, is docketed: ''To RC. Allegorical on the Sperma Ceti Works." Cranch, with others, later formed a firm to manufacture spermaceti candles, a venture that proved unsuccessful (Sibley's Harvard Graduates, 11:371)

2.

Samuel Quincy (1735–1789), the son of Josiah and Hannah (Sturgis) Quincy and a close friend of RTP. He graduated from Harvard in 1754, was admitted to the Massachusetts Bar in 1758, after studying law with Benjamin Prat, and later served as solicitor general, taking part with RTP in the trials of Captain Preston and the British soldiers in 1770. He married Hannah Hill on June 16,1761. A loyalist, he left Boston in 1775 and after a stay in London went to Antigua. He died at sea in 1789 and was buried at Bristol, England (Sibley's Harvard Graduates, 13:478–488).

Boston Novr. 1754

Should I tell you that the world was a Scene of constant vicissitudes, I doubt not you'd readily reply, who knows not this, but still, self evident as it is, remarkable Instances gives us Occasion not only to Observe but even to declare it. Without holding you Any longer in Suspense I shall observe to you that it is the loss of a very good Freind, that Occasions this my Complaint. Whether he died a Death, Natural or Artificial, Operative or Speculative, Civil or Military, Political or Œconimical, Spiritual or Carnal, or Whether he has only made a Transit, I wot not, but that he is dead, I averr. I have made great Enquiry concerning the Manner of his death & dying Speech. Some say he died of Herisy (a disease that has been long Gnawing his Vitals) & that he left a plentiful Estate consisting of Mops, Disclouts & Ragged Garments, with advice Never to use a Neighbours Sleeve. Some say he dyed of a Distemper calld the Lives by Means of which his Inwards were all turn'd to a vivacious Animal call'd223Maggots, which were often seen, working in his Eyes, Sometimes in his Ears, but oftnest at his fingers Ends & elsewhere, till at last they seiz'd his heart & carried it off as a tumble Bug does his Load. Nothing but these Lives themselves can ever declare the Estate he has left, it consisting of Men in the Shape of Brick Bats Love in the shape of an Inkhorn, a Complicated Machine for Reducing Chocolate to a half digested consistency to expedite Animal Nurishment, one very compleatly finish'd for playing the flute; & one infinitely intricate for playing the Violin with his Toes as the piggs do Organs. And whether he did not go off in some new Modelld Machine I quære. I hear he has left me a Legacy of a curious Engine for extracting Hairs from the Brains & an Iron to solder crackt Skulls, the former being Neerly worn out, he having in the latter part of his life applied it for Killing of Maggots. I cant learn what his Exit was but by a posthumous paper it appears he complaind of the Leapings of his Heart & seriously exhorts all to use of Dr. Moss's? Worm Powder. Some say he was Murderd by an Impudent Urchin who shot him with an Arrow in his Heart, not thinking him qualified for one of his Subjects but only to try the Experimt. whether his shaft would enter, wn. to his great disappointment in sank deep. He would fain have extracted it, not willing to loose an Arrow, but his Heart soon grew big, and as the Trunk of his Body became inflated so his Face became meagre. This Poison having posses'd his Brains, made them quit their Lofty Mansions, for they began to find out they live'd in Creations Cockloft, so they betook themselves to Genteeler parts such as the Wrists the Bosom (wch. from this time became a favrite Word with him) & some say to the Heels also, however tis Certain he Broke the Dart from the Head & made a Pen of it, admirably adapted to write Acrosticks & explore Mistical Ænigmas. With the? help of an Engine he had made he would stand at a Distance & Dart Never Daring a Neer Approach. Besides in all his Atchievment in the service of the Boy he had got such an inconsistant Mesmedly of Virtue, Respect, Modesty & I know not what other silly? Words, that Cupid vex'd to find himself so Abus'd, shot Another Dart & kill'd him. As for Estate, that say he did not leave Enough to pay fun'rel Charges, so that being Unburied According to the Curse of the Antients, he wanders on the Shore, & waits on the advocates of Love Rowing them across a River in a little Barge, wch. Renders his Curse not altogether unlike that of Tantalus; his Ghost now preaches, Warning all never to Adulterate the flames of Cupid with the Pedantry & inconsistent Virtue of the Muses.224Some say he died of forgetfullness, for that not having for a long time thought of the World or Any of his Freinds in it he at last? ceased to be, slipping out as it were from the back Door of Nature. & no doubt he forgot to make a dying Speech & even to left an Estate. However before the distemper had made a thorough Progress he made his Will devising me some Powder to cure Worldly carefullness, but the he forgot to leave to pay me. In short there are so many Reports concerning his Decease that I give no heed to any of them, but being acquinted with his Constitution I conjecture he dy'd of pure Refine?. He having with Labour & pains Erected & compleated An Engine for Reducing Mankind to the Strait Paths of Reason, by Refining & Rectifying their Brains. So great were his Labours in this most pleasant Employment, & so Noxious the Steems that arose from the Inherent corruption of these Brains, put him on Refining himself in Each Process, till at last he became so Refind that his Earthy Particles Were not Sufficient to detain him. So he floated from the Earth, till he has or will arrive where the Œther is of equall density. There he no doubt will become a Mighty Comet, his head? having been observ'd to shine, this some time since, & when his Posteriour Shall became inflammated, he will no doubt drag a monstrous Tail. His dying Speech then will be many. Every Old Woman will Rehearse them & his Intaild Estate will be overtures in chh. & state, alteration in Politicks, to say nothing of the destruction of creeds. This I take to be his last Apotheosis, & according to the Calculation of the learned we may Expect a Comet in 1758?. Whether twill be the same I can't say tho' I'm inclin'd to think 'ere that Time he will be arrived at some other System.

It is this great Loss that has Occasioned me to bewail the Vicissitude of Life, & if the World as it refines flys off & becomes presager of Ruin who'd be willing to tarry here. At first I feard the Refind Souls of this World would spread thro' all space & leave nought but a sceleton but a second thought shew'd me that where one flys off one thousand gravitate to the Center, but then the more is Mist these Refined Souls. Weep with me My Friend, for in him I lost an Every Shaped Freind & if the World say he was Chimerical 'twas 'cause they knew only his Superfices, but he has carried me to his Inner Chamber where the Infinitely Complicated Wheels & Springs gave Infinitely various forms to his Soul & Body. I purpose to have a statue made in the shape of a soul intirely of Joint Work so as to present him to my veiw in all the forms I can Recollect, least in225the Multitude of Ideas I Establish no certain one. Hoping these lines will find you well I conclude.

Dft ; addressed: "To RC. allegorical of his Person."