After Aug. 3, 1763? .

I recd. yrs.1& finding you are so sensible have so clear a Knowledge of the possibility of Events the Event determined beyond Possibility Should Not have troubled you with any return, did I not think from the current of yr. Answer that there is some misunderstand in this case, & supposing you may have forgotten the contents I purpose to copy it at the bottom. However certain I was that my designs were generous & Satisfy'd that my Esteem was well grounded yet I should have Acquiesed any refusal that was not ting'd with reflection & unmerited disdain. Yet it is not therefore to retalliate any reflection that I write this but purely to excuse myself from that resentment wch. seem'd to possess yr. mind when265you favored me wth. yr. Answer, for I do assure you I cannot concieve that a Lady whose good Disposition I have so high An Opinion of would treat any one with contempt who they did not think the proper Object of it. But here I 2 am greatly at a loss of wt. to excuse my self as you have left me to guess out my fault. I am sure if I misbehaved it either was an accident & so ought not to be imputed or it was my Conscience is very unfaithfull for I have not been able to recollect it. I well remember I had the highest esteem for the whole family & if my Actions did not correspond I was very Unhappy. Neither can I on good grounds conclude you were disgusted at my Letter tho' I acknowledge it was wrote with freedom & somewt. jocosely (the riches of an Open Mind) & different from what I should might have wrote if I had been better more acquainted with you but if the current of it was respectful & honerable & containd An Esteem for yr. reall perfections accomplishments I am sure you would not despise a Man for desiring What you prize as yr. Glory unless you Should imagine it be your fortune Circumstances in Life & if so you judged right in saying yr. Soul was not akin to mine. I am very Sensible we live in a World where Deceit & Selfish Views are too much work'd into the most refin'd Scenes of Life & it behoves the well minded to be wary & Circumspect in their confidences, but to ink every one in the same black Catalogue & cast undistinguished Disdain is to neglect one quality of a good mind wch. to bestow rewards as well as punishments wch. approves as well as censures & thus distroy the excelle difference between vertue & vice good & bad behaviour.

But perhaps you saw no certain Marks of Esteem in my Letter & judged it to be but a sudden Start of Passion as I had no perticular acquaintance with you. As to that, Madam, Mankind have different Rules of judging & if I had been admitted to a little Conversation with you might have Satisfy'd you my proceedings were not impetuous, give me leave to tell you that what I had heard from those I esteem good Judges such as I have set up for a standard, fir'd my expectation & what I saw (short as the time was) Settled my Determination to seek a further Acquaintance, for lt would be an Undeserv'd Reflection on you to Suppose that yr. Excellences shone so dim as to require a twelvemonth's Observation of them to fix such a determination my desires for further acquaintance, & you remember that was all I desired in my Letter. If I have miscontrued yr. Answer & concev'd Resentment where none266was intended I shall rejoice to be mistaken & ask yr. pardon but when the same Words that expresses the Resentment indicates a Mind well acquaintd with Sentiment & Language I must attribute it rather to the keeness of yr. Wit than the Slip of yr. Pen, I have drawn a Line under those Satyricall Strokes which I think were design'd to be understood as I have construed them, & I must needs say they have given me more uneasiness than any candid Refusal I could have recd. from you, as the latter would have left me where it found me but the former throws me into a most odious point of Light, to be respected by the Good & the Amiable is the desire of every honest Mind & he that can bear their disdain without uneasiness at once shews himself Unworthy of the Respect that he sollicits. To be ranked with those British Mortals who esteem a Woman only as the Pastime of a leisure hour or as a speedy means of advancing their Estate is to me a most ignominious Punishment and taxes me with a disposition which if I were sage enough to discover I trust I should have chosen a different Object & different persued other methods to gratify my divers it. An unacquaintedness with my Disposition might leave Room to suspect the possibility of my Mercenary Motives, but as I trust my behaviour did not shew them so I am sorry you should inflict the Punishment before you had Evidence of the Crime. The request was such as a Generous Mind might have made & therefore expected a curteous Answer tho the desire was not gratify'd.

Thus I have endeavoured to answer all the Occasions I can recollect that might influence yr. answer. lf I have not cleard 'em up or miss'd of the right I shall be ready wn. better inform'd to make Sutable Acknowledgments & I hope you'll not take amiss what I have written as I soberly declare my only motive is to deliver my self from the Opinion you Seem to have formd of me & stand fair in yr. Esteem whatever I may do in yr. affections & you'll consider that it requires yr. Comment to be. & after all this I think I need not explain my Sentiments of you as the highest Esteem we can express towards any Being is a disinterested Uneasiness under their frowns. Whereas youll please to Consider that to acquiece in their Censure would either express a Contempt of yr. Person, or an Acknowledgment of the desert. And I must rely upon it you'll not construe Any thing I have wrote as design'd to give you Uneasiness, which would be very preposterous in me when I tell you that what you wrote gave me a really encreas'd the Esteem I had of you as it gave me a267Specimen of yr. Discretion & true Spirit of Resentment. My only Objection is it was misapplyed as you was mistaken in the Person you wrote to & to finish the whole I declare to you truly (wch. you may will belive at yr. leisure if you examine it) that were it not for the intollerable Imputation of paying my adresses to fortune I should persist in my desires of yr. Acquaintance & if you proved to be the Woman I at present think you to be should prefer to any one other of yr. Sex I was acquainted with tho' I took you as came into & must 'ere long go out of the World. As for Riches & the appendages of a Fortune I esteem 'em in a Lady as a golden frame to an exquisite Picture which perhaps may allure the Clown & attract the Miser while any sort are ravished with the delicacy of the painting. The proper Use of them may be instrumental to the Possessive Embellishing the possession but can add nothing to their Real Value. & now give me leave to copy after you in concluding my letter tho not in An Ironical manner & wish that Some Man my find you who has as much esteem for yr. person & has as little need of yr. fortune as I think I have & whose good Qualifications render him nearer a kin to your Soul. May he not be sent to necessity of a Sudden Visit but brought to yr. Acquaintance in such a Manner as to leave no Room to suspect a Mercenary disposition, & then may you together enjoy all the pleasures the most refind Souls can propose in this State, finding a perpetual Spring in y. mind while yr. are buried in Winter till finally when the Treasures of this World which at best are precarious as the esteem of their Owners shall be disclosed in Cander one common Run. Leave May you enjoy the happiness which no one that loves Riches or values them selves for the possession of 'em ever can Arrive to, I am more than in meer good Manners obliged an Admirer of yr. many peculiar Excellencys & sincere wishes of yr. Happiness,

P:S As I was so unhappy not to please you in my PS where I cited the Populace I hope I shall succeed better, in quoting Mr. Addison & delivering you if you have leisure from yr. ordinary admirer to read not doubting you'll be as much entertained as I was in reading No. 326. 302. 304. 311 of the Spect.3 I must Confess upon more critically reading of my first Letter I find it to be a mighty dull odd one for I never said one word abt. yr. Beauty, however I felt the Influence of it & a Love Letter without that says nothing of Beauty with such an Omission is as ridiculous as an Almanack that takes no Notice of snow the Weather but in short the Common Method of Courting is such a268Mesmedley of intrigue Passion & disguise that I scorn'd to be concern'd in it. I chose rather to tell an honest Story & run the Risque of it, excuse this long apology Seing it affords me some Satisfaction for I'm sure tho' you are not willing to make me happy you dont desire me to be miserable.

Dft ; addressed: "To Mrs. E.H."

1.

Not located, presumed returned to the sender from the context of this letter.

2.

Illegible cancelled line.

3.

Joseph Addison (1672–1719) is credited with writing only a part of no. 311: "Remarks on them [Fortune-stealers]— on Widows" of the four numbers listed by RTP (The Spectator; with Notes and General Index [Philadelphia, 1832]).