Morning fine although the dry weather still continues. I attended divine service in the morning and heard Mr. Capen of South Boston preach upon the character of Balaam. He is not very interesting although his sermon did not want sense.

Nothing material until an occurrence at dinner which materially 155affected the remainder of the day. In conversation a remark together with a gesture of my brother’s at table produced in me an excessive burst of passion and a scene ensued which was quite of an unpleasant character. It is due to him however to say that he did not return the violence. It is needless for me to explain the reasons why I was so agitated. It grows out of feelings on my part which have always been peculiarly sensitive to the peculiarly captious, overbearing, contemptuous tone that appertains to his manners. Accustomed to little of it in my intercourse with others, it galls me beyond expression when I find myself constantly under it’s action in a domestic circle. It makes me after a time, jealous, uneasy, restless and liable to anger. The stronger curb I apply, the more liable I am to a greater extent of violence when I break it. I know that it is my brother’s misfortune in better days to have contracted these peculiar ways which result from want of reflection rather than premeditation, yet it is not always in my power to consider it. The incidents of the past ten days and even from the night of his arrival had put me under a most unpleasant restraint. Is it to be wondered at that my patience failed? Any body who knows what I am will not wonder. My fear of such an event has always occasioned my dislike to be under the same roof with him for any length of time, yet the injudiciousness of my parents has brought on what I fear will not be healed soon. I was far the greatest sufferer because I had the whole family against me as well as my own conscience for an act which I foresaw might happen and did not guard against. Had I been wise enough to persist in my rule of not being led into temptation, all might have been well. I read a Sermon of Massillon’s twice over aloud to cool myself with partial effect, though my state of mental excitement was I think greater than I ever knew it and not far from madness. All the sore feeling of years seemed to be working up a convulsion in my frame. I reasoned myself into a state to be willing to apologize for the offence committed by me to each member of the family, but I could not think of his manner with any calmness at all.1

Massillon’s Sermon was upon Villeroy, Archbishop of Lyon. His Division was simple considering his character, first as a great Statesman second, as a Churchman. A union in those days more common than it is now. Text. Ecclesiasticus 50. 5. Too long for insertion.

My evening was not much more quiet than my afternoon, and my Wife who was much affected by this incident gave me additional and still deeper anxiety. All this was quite punishment enough for my offence, and perhaps even more. I am in the habit of thinking such 156things are a kind of set off to qualify the tendency in my head to turn at my prosperity and happiness.

After a restless night, I arose and breakfasting, went to town. My determination was to endeavor in future to avoid occasions upon which to come here and incur the risk of difficulty. The amount of occupation which my house and the preparations to enter it furnish, gave me plenty of justification for absence, so I remained in town until late in the evening.

I was much engaged all day—In the morning by business matters, in the afternoon by reading in my study. Mr. Greene1 called upon me to transfer Shares of the State bank to me which business was accomplished. This makes a sum out upon interest considerably beyond what I can permanently invest. Yet I have a repayment in November of the loan July 1st. and my income accrues in equal portions on the first of the two preceding months so that I consider the proceeding perfectly safe. My expenditure upon the House is considerable, but most of it will not be due for some time. On the whole my finances stand pretty fair. This is to me an important subject—Important from the fact that my father goes backward almost as fast as I advance. Collected a little Rent, made a settlement with Dr. Parkman on my brother’s Account and saw Mr. I. P. Davis. Thus the time passed.

Read a little of Hutchinson in the Afternoon, and seventy lines of the first Georgic. The Painters did not finish until after sunset, and I staid them out. The Accounts from New York2 are not encouraging. Returned to Quincy quite late.

Morning warm with a South west wind. My father accompanied me to town. I was engaged at the House where the Painters were 157doing a little more outside work, and in various commissions which kept me going most of my morning. Dr. Parkman came in to get my father to dine with him.

I had made a sort of half engagement yesterday to P. Chardon Brooks that I would dine with him so that this left me free to fulfil it. Nobody there but Henry Dalton1—A very pleasant dinner and some very nice Bordeaux. Conversation detained me until five. No news from New York. As this was one of the purposes of my stay I called at Edward’s and then at Mr. Frothingham’s. He went out with me to the Post Office, where we found a Letter from Mrs. Sidney Brooks. I thought as far as it went, it was decidedly for the better, but there was no indication of any permanent improvement. This poor fellow has been struck down in a manner which I can hardly realize.

Called for my father at Dr. Parkman’s and we returned about sunset. My Wife talked with me, and gave me reasons for altering my plan.