Attended at Church all day at Federal Street. Heard Mr. Gannett whom I liked less even than usual. There are a species of men, who to a proud and sensitive mind, with the best meaning in the world, turn all religion into disgust. I must leave this Church if I wish to preserve my Christian feelings. Mr. Gannet belongs to a gloomy, denunciatory style of preachers who meet either my aversion or my contempt. 341Passed the afternoon with George, where I saw what I did not wish to see, and drank tea with Miss Harriet Welsh where I conversed much upon many subjects.

Morning at the Office. Occupied in digesting my Notes about the Middlesex Canal, but I was much interrupted. My friend, Mr. Tarbell, brought me a little debt to collect which is the first Act I have performed in the way of my profession. It put me in pretty good spirits. I this day paid Mr. Ward for one quarter’s occupation of my Office, for which I have not yet been reimbursed. After dinner, I spent some time with Abby at Mrs. Frothingham’s, pleasantly enough. A violent snow storm came on so that I remained at the Office only a few minutes and remained at home in the evening. Mr. Tufts1 and Mr. Kinder, an English Agent, came in, with whom I had an argument upon political economy over some very good English Ale.

Morning at the Office. Employed in reading Law and drawing up my paper upon the subject of the Middlesex Canal. I received this morning the first money in the way of my profession. It was very gratifying, for I felt as if no one had a right to reproach me for it. And I have unhappily known too well what that is, not to relish even the mere dawn of independence. My spirits are not very bright, a cloud hangs over them which I cannot dispel. But I feel cheerful enough to prosecute my duties without tedium. Afternoon, with Abby at Mrs. Frothingham’s. Nothing remarkable, but time very agreeable. In the evening at the Office, where I read Johnson’s Life of Pope, and criticism upon his Epitaphs. I was not as attentive as I should have been, I strongly suspect, for I was dull to much of it’s point.

Morning at the Office. Occupied much of the time in drawing up a Paper upon the Middlesex Canal. I intend showing this to my Father, though I am induced to do this from two motives separate from him, my own improvement and information. He would hardly repay me my trouble if I trusted to him. It may be wrong to feel as I do about him, 342but his course hardly makes any other sentiment possible. I trust I feel duly attached to him, but my pride and independence have received a blow which he can never heal. I expected more than he was willing to comply with; I expected an active kindness equal to my own. Not in deeds, if he was unable to assist me, but in words and in manner. I do not desire to exalt myself or depress my brother. But I had sacrificed much for him, and I had done much to put that brother in a way to please him. Much of his condition was owing to my vigilance and care. And when that brother received even extraordinary kindness and I, extraordinary harshness, is it to be wondered at that I cannot root out the remembrance from my mind? I have never written so fully my mind in my Journal, time has taken off much of the bitterness which prevented my doing so, circumstances will probably prevent any positively unfavourable effect upon my prospects, but the memory of coldness from a parent still has force in itself to prompt these lines. In the performance of duty, I console myself.

Read a little Law. In the afternoon, with Abby, pleasantly as usual. Went to pay a visit to Mrs. Saml. Dexter in the evening. She is a pleasant and rather a witty old lady. Abby is a kind of protegé of her’s and I am well pleased that it should be so. Mr. and Mrs. Frothingham were there also.