Attended Prayers and recitation this morning, being prevented from sleeping by the firing of cannon and ringing of bells by which the celebration of this day was commenced. As the true day came on Sunday, this day was fixed upon as the festival day. Of course we had no exercises after the Morning and I was for once freed from the trouble of squadding my section. After breakfast, we went into the Commons Hall as usual upon such occasions and sung patriotic songs, a custom which has been existing for a long time here but which has been wofully shortened and curtailed of late. Like all the other old habits it is advancing fast to it’s end.

After this we remained in the Piazza of the University until the 222President’s freshman arrived with the parts for next Exhibition, they being our first Majors as we call them. Wilder1 got the first much to the displeasure, I cannot say the surprise of many, who nevertheless hoped Chapman would obtain it. The rest it is hardly worthwhile to mention except where I am directly connected with them. Otis had a part, a Conference with Fisher and Greenough. Brenan and Lothrop had another. I was left out much to my joy as I hope I shall be in every Exhibition for in my mind they are the very smallest things in the world. I cannot relish being stuck in public view, below so many others who will never have an opportunity to come above me again. I am not aristocratic except as to talents and acquirements which I know many better scholars are my inferiors in. I was very glad that Lothrop obtained a part although I must confess it was unexpected altogether. His rank in the estimation of the class would not have entitled him to the fortieth rank in the class.2 Brenan was most excessively discontented because he was put with him, and although he had some right to be, I thought it hardly worthwhile to make so many faces at such a little thing. The members of our society were much gratified at their having parts also, from the reason that they were able to give a treat to them at Fresh Pond as usual. We accordingly went. I drove up there in the chaise which I had engaged to go to Quincy with and we enjoyed ourselves considerably. Many of our class were present together with a few Seniors, meaning Tudor and Wheatland. Otis had gone to town as usual and very much in character.

But I could not remain here long and fulfill my promise or duty to George so although very unwilling I took my departure. In fact I think it was fortunate for me that I went away as I felt the punch which I had taken was beginning to operate. A swift ride cured me of this, though I thought that every thing would be over before I arrived unless I hurried on, which I did amazingly. I passed the meeting house in Dorchester as the Company had formed to enter it, so I thought I should certainly arrive at Quincy when they were coming out. When I got to the house, there was but one person in it and that was “that bright” Miss Samson,3 the antipathy woman. She told me I was too late, which did not deter me from going to the Meeting House and breaking in upon what I supposed Mr. Whitney’s concluding Prayers and I cursed myself over and over for coming at all. The Parson finished what I have often heard before and to my surprise and I will add pleasure George got up and commenced his Oration. It was not in the general tone of pieces of this sort, it was not mere declamation. 223It was a historical account of the causes of the revolution. It was very well written but in my humble opinion appeared to be a little too plain for the learned and a little too obscure for the ignorant. This objection was however overruled. The five closing pages were really quite good, the description of character was quite good for a young man who has studied so little of it in his life. His closing passage was fine. I may risk the imputation of coolness towards him by speaking so qualifiedly, but I cannot talk extremes, I cannot tell him what I did not feel. I will give him my opinion if asked but shall not press it upon any one. The production is not an ordinary one but it is not so extraordinary as many people in Quincy from interested motives would wish him to believe and will succeed in their object I am afraid, if I judge by his usual character.4 I heard his praises sounded far and wide by those very people long before he came home and I know that one sign of them would be to go at him openmouthed. Well did the poet commence his address

He finished and I waited no longer but came directly home, not much pleased with the idea of meeting so much unpleasant company. I first bounced upon Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Cruft,5 who gave me the whole story of their pleasures and displeasures without amusing me much. I then went round saluting my acquaintance, found my Grandfather and was surprised at finding him so well and able to endure the fatigue of the day. It was a proud one for him as he saw his grandson receiving the reward of talent and heard the acclamations with which his name was greeted in spite of Colonel Pickering or whoever else chooses to attack it. It was a proud day at Quincy for the whole Adams family.

After a little conversation we sat down to a collation for about sixty people and I had the pleasure of seeing about ten young ladies on the downward side of life without any beauty to recommend them. I was not so fortunate as to go near them but I was next to one who played more forcibly on my passions, which by the punch in the morning had been roused, nor were they yet settled down. This was no one else than Miss Abby. Something or other, a cap or I know not what, made her appear certainly much handsomer than usual, and I who am just in the heyday of the blood fell most woefully in love with her for two hours, and had I met her alone, should certainly have made an extreme fool of myself. I was too tired however to take the trouble and 224perhaps a very little prudence restrained me. I rather think Miss Harriet saw through me and gave me a cut indirectly. I always suspect something of the kind from her speeches. Suffice it I got through without injury and made myself additionally sensible that I must not play with burning coals. I had some conversation with Miss Thaxter6 of the literary sort as she is a “bas bleu.” I rather imagine I took the right chord there. The Boston company went home and was succeeded by Mr. Marston’s school and the Quincy families who played and danced here sometime. Afterward George came home but I was so exceedingly fatigued that it was out of my power to remain awake. XI.

Arose considerably but not entirely refreshed from the dreadful fatigue of yesterday. I have seldom felt more overcome than I did on that day. My feelings having been acted upon in a variety of ways, affected my body almost as much as the exercise which was not inconsiderable. After having taken breakfast I sat in the parlour a little while but found nothing amusing. The girls never become in the least pleasant until the afternoon, and as to the old lady, she never is, to me at least. So that on the whole I thought it advisable to retire, and have no more to say to them. I sat with George half an hour but we could gain nothing from this as I presume he was afraid to talk of his prevailing idea as he knows my character, and I did not feel inclined to hurt his feelings, besides keeping my determination. There was a sort of half stiffness on both sides which we could not get over and which I at last did not attempt. Our conversation was principally concerning the dinner and toasts of yesterday.

As the day threatened rain, I found nothing to keep me here and consequently set off for home and old Cambridge again. I carried George two miles as far as Neponset Hotel as he wished to take a ride and stopped with him a little while at this house. I am glad that I 225came out as my absence would have excited observation. I did not think men were so critical. The absence of all the Quincy family was particularly noticed and George appears to think that he is jealous, I mean the young man,1 for I have always believed my father’s superiority over the old man has been a source of bitterness always to them. They are not a family of talent and have resorted to a mean attempt to raise themselves on the misfortunes of one of our family.2 When my father is not here, he3 is a great man and by his manner excites one to wish him kicked downstairs. I despise a little great man, and I do think Mr. Judge Mayor Quincy has as much right to that title as any man I have ever seen. None of his4 class were there either. George at College did not take the course to make true friends, he did not calculate upon the men but consulted his feelings and taste. Not that I praise his taste, but let every man have his way in this. I hope I have made a better solution, certainly a more respectable one here.

But all these reflections have nothing to do with the principal matter. I thought over this quickly as he was talking of it, and speaking of Quincy, whom he appears to take in the light of a rival. I was in a hurry and therefore left him without much preface. I rode home without stopping and got to Cambridge at about twelve having missed two recitations. The town felt all new to me as if I had been absent for some time and my acquaintance all shook my hand so that really, I began to think a week had passed since I had seen them. From the excitement of yesterday I felt dull also today. Every thing appeared so settled and quiet when I had seen so much bustle that I was unable to do anything. I read my Bible which was somewhat behind hand and wrote one day of my Journal. I also attended a lesson to Mr. Farrar in Trigonometry. He has got quite tired of hearing us in private class and wishes us to catch up again with the class so as to recite with them, a measure which I do not much care about taking.

I spent the afternoon in a listless uncomfortable sort of a way without much purpose. It is the most uncomfortable feeling under Heaven to suffer under. No letters too from home which always makes me feel lonely. After tea, I squadded my section upon the Common for the first time. They did exceedingly well and I received much credit for my trouble. The fact is that the other Officers have been in the habit of keeping their sections on the run all the time, they have given them variety but no principles and consequently they go too fast through all their manoeuvres. I afterwards stopped and talked with Silsbee &c. in front of Hollis5 concerning this company, received some advice from him as to the management of it and then came 226home. I then sat to, to read over both the lessons for tomorrow morning as I am now determined to be regular at recitations for the next weeks. They were easy so I was not occupied very long. I then read my Chapters as usual. Regularity gives me great satisfaction but notwithstanding I have very little of it. One week more frees me from my promise and I have to commence a branch of study which as it directly affects my future means of life, it is my duty, my interest, every thing which can call upon a man in life, to study it. My resolution may be broken but I hope not. I can do no more. If I am weak it is only my misery to be conscious of it. I ought to be more independent. X:20.